I equip people to serve God and others in a way that is both fruitful and sustainable. I do this through teaching, writing, and coaching. This newsletter is part of that work.
May 19, 2022
1. Personal Update
2. My Wife Charlene is Starting a Facebook for "Couples in Conflict"
3. FEATURE ARTICLE -- Breaking Deep Habits: Environment vs Willpower
4. Quote of the Week
1. Personal Update
There's a lot going on in the work I'm doing with men seeking to grow spiritually and live with self-mastery in our out-of-control world. We're almost 5 weeks into the Renewed Man pilot program. The response has been
very encouraging. Next week I'll be teaching YWAM missionaries (Youth with a Mission) in Kona, HI about healthy sexuality, addiction, and recovery.
We've established a new logo for the Renewed Man program. This one is for the Boot Camp ... we'll also be establishing an ongoing COMMUNITY. Special shoutout to Philip Van Milligan Design and Illustration for stellar work on the logo, as well as Scott Prindle from DSP Systems for his website design of https://renewedman.me
The feature article today is an excerpt from one of the daily lessons in the Renewed Man boot camp. I hope you'll find it helpful, and it will give you an idea of the kind of help we're trying to provide with the program.
By the way, this boot camp experience is especially designed as a program for churches and therapists. We hope to launch the full program THIS FALL. If you know of a church or counseling organization that might be interested in making this available, please let me know. You can just respond to this email.
2. My Wife Charlene is Starting a Facebook for "Couples in Conflict"
As you may know, my wife Charlene Brouwer has been a Marriage and Family Therapist for over a decade, and is really good at helping couples work through challenges in their marriage.
She has seen a lot of misinformation, unhelpful guidance, and "tactics" that simply don’t work when partners try to have more connection, intimacy and trust.
So she created a private Facebook Group to cover why ignoring the problem (or each other), staying together for the kids, or just trying harder are not the best ways to feel in love again. If it’s appropriate, feel free to join by clicking this link:
3. FEATURE ARTICLE: Breaking Deep Habits: Environment vs Willpower
One of the principles I've learned from my training in life and leadership coaching is the importance of our "personal environment." Our environment will either support or sabotage our efforts at life-change.
We tend to think that in order to change, we need new information and increased motivation. The over-focus on teaching, principles, and information is especially true of Christians. We are repeatedly reminded - by teachers(!) - that what we need most is more teaching.
But when it comes to deeply ingrained urges and habits — like those related to our sexual behaviors — teaching is not enough. More knowledge is not enough. If our environment stays the same -- full of the temptations, triggers, and frustrations that caused us to turn to our compulsive behaviors -- we will fall back into those behaviors ... no matter how much we have learned, or how motivated we have become.
Willpower is a limited commodity. We don't have enough of it to sustain life change if our environment is not aligned with our new commitments. The principle can be stated this way:
Environmental change drives life change.
Willpower won't work.
Just to be precise -- it's not exactly true that willpower doesn't work. It does work … for a while. That's what makes this so confusing. BUT it doesn't work as a long term strategy, because we get tired of exerting it, and/or we get distracted by other things. Then the next thing we know … we're drifting back into the same old, destructive behaviors.
Imagine being an alcoholic, and working as a bartender. Imagine trying to lose weight, and living in a home filled with snacks, junk food, cinnamon rolls, and ice cream. Imagine trying to quit smoking, while carrying around a pack of cigarettes and a lighter with you.
In the battle between will-power and our environment … environment pretty much always (eventually) wins.
ACTION STEP:
Today do some reflecting, and then write your answers down. In your efforts to live with emotional well-being and sexual self-control … what, in your environment, is making that hard to do? What is your equivalent to being the alcoholic with whiskey in your house, or the food addict with junk food in the kitchen, or the smoker with cigarettes in his pocket?
The next step will be to decide what to do about these stumbling blocks. But right now, at least for today, be honest with yourself about how hard it is to fight against your environment.
4. Quote of the Week
"We now live in a world where we eat content, drink content and breathe content, without giving a single thought to its composition or what kind of impact it has upon our lives."
