September 29, 2022

So many peoples' lives today are diminished because of trauma from their past ... often childhood trauma. It's a leading cause of depression, anxiety, difficulty in navigating intimate relationships, and addictions of all kinds.

Understanding how trauma works, and coming to terms with how it has shaped your life is one of the most important things you can do in your life. It's necessary work if you want to live well. 

As a pastor and coach to many spiritual leaders in both in-person and online groups, I can also say that trauma work is ESSENTIAL for leaders. If leaders don't come to terms with with the trauma and unresolved issues in their own souls, it sets them up to be narcissistic, brittle, needy, vulnerable to addiction, and abusive and controlling. 

Years ago, Henri Nouwen wrote "The Wounded Healer," a great book that talks about this important work for spiritual leaders. When people come to terms with their own hurts, limitations, and weaknesses, then they are able to be a safe and healing presence to others.

But, as Nouwen writes, if they don't do this work, instead of wounded healers, they become UNHEALED WOUNDERS. They become self-absorbed, insecure, "prickly" in conflict, and sometimes overtly abusive. They hurt, rather than help, the very people they are called to minister to.

We see too many of these types around us today.

An Invitation

My Session in the Summit
The interview with me focuses on "the little things" that add up, and damage our souls. When most of us think of tauma, we think only of extreme and overwhelming events (acute trauma). But little events can become big if they're frequent enough, and if they're not accompanied by support and help to navigate them.

You can get knocked down by having a big boulder fall on you. You can also get knocked over by carrying a back pack, and having someone add a small stone to the pack every day. Eventually the stones you're carrying add up, and pull you down. (This is sometimes referred to as "soft trauma," or "cumulative trauma".)

Another important distinction I talk about is how trauma isn't only terrible things that shouldn't have happened to you -- the terrible events. It can also include DEPRIVATION. The accumulated experience of not getting the things you needed as you were growing up can add up to a form of trauma as well. Growing up deprived of love, attention, physical touch, and/or safety create "holes in our souls" which eventually lead us to having insatiable craving for those things.

The key word, when it comes to trauma is "overwhelming." Everyone suffers in their lives in some way. The difference between trauma and ordinary suffering is that trauma is significant enough suffering that it overwhelms the coping systems of the person involved.

Obviously, there's more to say about this important topic. I hope you'll join us at this summit, and hope you find it helpful.

Personal Update

Oh man, what a crazy busy season this has been! We had a great turnout and experience for the "911 for Men" launch event for the Renewed Man Boot Camp. The response has been positive, and the Boot Camp is off to a great start.

One of the questions that's come up is what to do with people who want to start groups and go through the Boot Camp, but weren't able to join us for the launch earlier this month. What now?

Our leadership team is talking about this question this week. We know for sure that we want to work with churches to get new groups going in January. But maybe some want to start something sooner? Between now and then? We'll get back to you on that. 

Having Me Speak at Your Event

For the past months, I have been mono-focused on creating the Renewed Man Boot camp, working through the pilot program, and then launching it this Fall. 

Doing this work, and especially preparing for the "911 for Men" teaching series, I have learned a lot about the challenges and needs of men today. 

Now I'm going to turn my attention to bringing this message out to churches, Celebrate Recovery communities, and other community gatherings. 

I'll be going to Switzerland in November to teach on these topics. Just before COVID struck the world and shut down so many events in 2020, I spoke at a series of gatherings in Thailand. I'll never forget what one of the pastors of a large church in Bangkok told me. I think what he said is true not only in his own country, but here in the US as well. He said:

"Your teaching is really important for churches to hear. These kinds of personal topics are sometimes hard for us pastors to talk about in our own settings. That's why it's so helpful to bring someone like you in from the outside."

If I can be helpful to you in your context by being able to say some things as an outsider that need to be said, I'd love to help you in that way. Be blessed!