It's 9-11 for Men: Heads up About an Event for You and Your Church
August 11, 2022
I'm writing to let you know of way to help men you know -- particularly in church contexts -- to address the struggle of online sexual content ... and do so in the context of also helping
them with mental health challenges (anxiety and depression) and spiritual disconnection.
Research shows that -- as of 2019:
- 68% of church-going men, 25% of Christian women, and over 50% of pastors view porn on a regular basis.
- 76% of young Christian adults (18-24 years old) actively search for porn.
- And this was BEFORE the
pandemic!
This is a HUGE issue in the church today. Think about it: Most of the men, and many of the women, in our churches are struggling with disappointment in their own sex lives, and struggles with the temptations of sensuality that are available
online, on TV, and on their cell phones.
And do you know what makes this all worse? It seems almost impossible to get help to people about this topic! No one wants to talk about it. No one wants to even show up to an event where
this is being talked about, for fear that others will judge them.
I've been speaking in churches, missionary training schools, and leading workshops about sexual struggles for over 16 years now, and I know for certain that it doesn't work to offer seminars
or programs in churches that focus solely on sexual struggles. People will stay away in droves!
You've got to offer something that is more holistic. Something that, while it does help with the
struggles of our overly-sexualized world, it does so in the context of teaching about other related topics as well. (And by the way, it turns out that a holistic approach is also REALLY HELPFUL -- if not essential -- as a strategy to offer teaching about sexual issues that is life-changing. More on that later.)
WHAT AM I PROPOSING?
I could come to your church or community and speak to any group about "Today's Challenges for Men" or "The Inner
Life of Men" or "How to Build Healthy Intimacy."
But I want to offer this teaching as a series of free online lectures that will be live streamed on September 11, 16, and 18.
This live event -- "9-11 For the Hearts of Men" -- is something people could sign up for individually, and view from their homes on the evenings they stream live, or watch the recording at another time. (By the way, I'm using "9-11" in the title because I consider what's
happening in the inner, spiritual lives of men today to be an absolute crisis.)
9-11 For the Men Today:
- Sunday Sept 11 --
What is NON-Toxic Masculinity: and What's in the Way?
Tuesday Sept 13 -- The Inner Life of Men: Facing Stress, Anxiety, and Pervasive Sensuality in our World
Thursday Sept 15 -- The Lost Key for Men and Marriages: INTIMACY
Each session will last about 45 minutes, and will include notes to help people follow along.
Even though my main topic of interest is going to be the inner lives of men, this will be helpful for women as well -- understanding and helping their husbands and sons. (Plus, women also struggle with many of the same issues that men do!)
WHAT I'M ASKING OF YOU RIGHT NOW
I would like to partner with you in providing help to people in your church with this important and challenging area of life.
Would you consider promoting this free training event in your church or community? You could do so by including a message about this in your church publication, but it would be even more helpful if you would also forward an invite email or two directly to people in your church. I'll send you more information in the weeks ahead.
Feel free to share any and all of the contents of this email to people in your church. Also, feel free to forward this email to other people and other churches who might be helped by it.
If you have any questions about
this, please don't hesitate to reply to this email and ask me.
NOTE: At the end of this teaching event, men will be invited to participate in a 12-week "Renewed Man Boot Camp." But -- and this is important for you to know -- 9-11 For the Hearts of Men will be a training event, not an infomercial with lots of sales appeals. I wanted to be up front with you about the next step
people can take ... and I will offer that at the end of the training.
I have launched a ministry for men called "The Renewed Man Community" and have piloted a 12 week program for men called "The Renewed Man Boot Camp." I'm planning to launch this with a series of
three FREE live online teaching sessions.
WHY SUCH AN EMPHASIS ON A HOLISTIC APPROACH?
When we offer ministries about sexual struggles in Christian settings, we MUST deal with this issue holistically. Our ministry needs to be about several key issues in peoples' lives, and NOT JUST SEX. Approaching it holistically is essential in order to get people to participate (as indicated above).
But there's something else going on here -- and it's something I have learned over the past 16 years of helping people deal with this stuff: A holistic approach is not just helpful as a means of getting people to participate ... it's essential in order to really help them with their sexual struggles.
We are multifaceted beings, and our sex drive is deeply ingrained, and integrated with other facets of their lives. And for men to make lasting change in this area, they're going to have to deal with a variety of issues.
Many ministries that try to help men deal with sexual temptation wind up falling sort, because they over-focus on certain dimensions of a man's life -- focusing on accountability, spiritual disciplines and strategies that strengthen one's resolve (ie. willpower) to refrain from the sinful behavior -- but neglect the help needed in other areas of
life that make lasting "recovery" possible.
Providing spiritual motivation and accountability is good, but I know -- from my own experience, and 16 years of work with hundreds and hundreds of men -- that ministries like this won't work in the long run. If
men aren't also helped to deal with other key issues, they won't be able to sustain significant change. Issues like:
- stress and anxiety
- loneliness and isolation
- struggles with emotional intimacy with their spouse
- unprocessed past wounds, which make them vulnerable
- lack of clarity and commitment to their purpose / mission in life
Essentially, trying to help men with "Purity and Accountability" ministry, without dealing with these other key issues, has the same effect as swimming with a beach ball and trying to keep the beach ball under water. You can do it ... for a little while. But only by making this effort your supreme focus. Eventually you'll get tired or distracted, and the beach ball will pop up.
So it happens with purity ministry ... if we're not helping people get strengthened, healed, and given tools to help in these other areas, their resolves for purity and changed behavior will only work when they're supremely motivated and focused on the issue.
But inevitably, life will happen, other stresses will come up, they'll lose his focus on this, and then it's likely that they'll fall back into whatever sinful and destructive behaviors they've been engaging in.
This is what happens with most men. If we don't deal with the variety of issues that are happening under the surface ... they will continue to struggle with this stuff over time.
Please join me -- and partner with me -- and let's get help to as many men as we can during this challenging time!
