Today's message comes from the Renewed Man Boot Camp. Renewed Man is a systematic teaching and coaching series designed to help men grow emotionally, relationally, and spiritually ... developing the essential character quality of "self-mastery." Even though this community is created for men, the principles are universal -- women will
benefit from these insights as well.
We build this teaching around 12 Keys, and this week, we're focusing on key 3: COMMUNITY.
Here's how we put it:
Community - We are taking steps to end our isolation and
develop healthy community. We cultivate a handful of friends who (a) know the truth about us, (b) are positive, fun, and supportive, and (c) help us on this journey. No man builds a great life without the help and support of other men.
Here's one of the daily messages from this week's teaching series. I hope this will help you:
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“I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street.” – Virginia
Woolf
Virginia Woolf is onto something here. It’s sad but true: Many of the friendships we lose over the years are simply the result of our inattention and lack of caring.
Now, it’s easy to read this and let it get us down on ourselves. We’re not going to maintain close friendships with everybody. As we talked about
yesterday, some “friendships” are not helpful for us, because these friends drag us down, rather than build us up. It might be a good thing to let some relationships slide … as long as we’re also making the effort to build and maintain relationships with other worthy, helpful, and supportive friends. Who are they?
This may be the most important question you’ve got to answer in this journey: Who are the handful of friends that you want to surround yourself with? Who are those people who are worth investing time and energy into?
During this week of the Boot Camp, I issued this challenge, and it’s worth looking at again:
Find five guys. Five guys that you enjoy, that you “click” with, that can support you on the journey to becoming a Renewed Man. These five guys must:
- Know the truth about you — including what you struggle
with
- Support you in your struggle — they don’t have the share the same struggle you have, but they at least need to understand and have compassion for it
- Be fun to be with — people you actually enjoy being
around
NOTE: If you are in some kind of support group — whether it’s in the Renewed
Man program, or some church, or 12 Step recovery group — remember that not everybody in that group is going to be one of those five close friends. It’s also possible (likely?) that one or more of "the five” may be people NOT in that group.
Put another way: Not everyone in your support group will be
someone you want as your friend. People can share your struggle and your commitment to recovery, and still be jerks. Or at least they might be fine people, but not really have much in common with you. But some will be cool. Some will be guys you “click with.” Focus on them.
And you might have other friends or family members who are not in a support group with you, but you are still close with them, they are “safe”
(ie. you can share your struggles with them without feeling judged or condescended to), and they’re committed to helping you grow. Focus on them.
Having this kind of a cohort will change EVERYTHING for your self-mastery, your
marriage, your mental and emotional health, and for your life.
Friendships like these are among the most important things in your life. Value them.
NEXT ACTION
Today’s action step is to keep thinking through the list of friends you can count on for support. You might put your list of friends and potential
friends into three categories:
- People you know and trust, who know your story, and are important friends.
- People you are just getting to know in the program who seem like they could become friends.
- Old and trusted friends who could probably become part of the cohort of supportive friends … but you need to invest more in those friendships.
Maybe they don’t know much about your story, or maybe you’ve lost touch with them, and it’s time to renew or deepen the relationship.
As you look at this list of names, are there people you would like to reach out to? People you want to spend some time with? Make a plan to do
that in the next week.
Put
together a contact list of these people in your planner, or program their numbers in your cell phone. These friends are your future.
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Would you like to go "all in" and join the Renewed Man Boot Camp? It's a 12 Week Immersion in these principles. You'll get these daily teachings, a weekly video on one of the 12 Keys of Being a Renewed Man, and access to a support group and/or a coaching group that I
lead.
Find out more about the Renewed Man Program here.
