1. Feature Article: "Be Honest: Are Your Friends the Kind of People You Want to
Become?"
Today's article comes from the Renewed Man Boot Camp. Renewed Man is a systematic teaching and coaching series designed to help men grow emotionally, relationally, and spiritually ... developing the essential character quality of "self-mastery." Even though this community is created for men, the principles
are universal -- women will benefit from these insights as well.
We build this teaching around 12 Keys, and this week we focus on the second key. Here's
how we state it:
3. COMMUNITY - We are taking steps to end our isolation and
develop healthy community. We cultivate a handful of friends who (a) know the truth about us, (b) are positive, fun, and supportive, and (c) help us on this journey. No man builds a great life without the help and support of other men.
Here's one of the daily messages from this week's teaching series. I hope this will help you:
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Who you spend time with shapes your life in powerful, often unseen, ways. Choose your friends wisely, because you become like them. What follows is an extended quote from an unattributed article on the website “Illimitable Men.”
The article talks about the sanctity of
time. We only have a limited span of time in this life ... so make the most of it. This section of the article talks about being careful about WHO you spend time with, and what you spend time watching/consuming — for this reason. We are deeply influenced by what we watch, and who we hang out with. Why waste the little time we have with people and activities that don't bring us joy, or help us live with meaning and purpose?
DISCLAIMER: The author makes statements that are thought-provoking -- but also off-putting -- about people he labels “average people” and “winners vs losers.” I wouldn’t put it in those
terms … frankly it’s condescending and judgmental.
BUT this is what’s so important, and why I include it in our teaching today: While we can leave behind labeling and condescension, we CAN — and we MUST — have some idea of what we want for our lives, and consider whether our friends are on the same path.
When we get clear about our commitments, it gets pretty easy to tell if the friends around us share them or not. Some people don’t care about the same things you do. Some people are on a path in life that
you don’t want to go down … you have loftier goals for yourself then they do. BE CAREFUL.
Here’s the author’s advice, in a nutshell — try to spend as much of your relational time as you can with other people who are doing something with their lives, who encourage and challenge you to grow … rather than spending time with people who are just consumers; people who want to talk about other people behind their backs, because they’ve got nothing going on in their own lives.
In other words, to use the language from this article, “Create An Elitist Bubble” around yourself. Note that this is written for men, using masculine language ... but the principles apply equally to women, and female
friendships:
It is important for a man to filter the information he consumes, for he becomes what he exposes himself to. If he watches mediocrity, reads mediocrity and
discusses mediocrity, then he is destined to be mediocre. When stated so plainly it seems obvious, but in practice it is typically anything but.
A man should not only avoid the
dramatic, but likewise the low value. Average people are a drain because the average are mediocre, they have no thirst for greatness nor vision, and thus an aspirational man has not even the slightest hope of relating to them.
Average people aren’t going anywhere in life, so they deify trivia to keep themselves distracted. When a man is not building a life, he is busy commenting on how others run theirs; this is a manifestation of the consumer/producer mentality that distinguishes winners from losers and these are the type of people you want to avoid.
The average are fueled by triviality, but the great do all they
can to avoid it. The reason it is so difficult to avoid the trivial is because the average are numerous, and triviality is their prime interest. To become great you must avoid triviality, and in order to achieve this you will find yourself becoming more elitist in your associations. As the standards you hold yourself to rise, so do your standards of others, those who no longer meet the bar must be left behind, lest they drag you back.
NEXT ACTION
Today write two lists of your friends and associates. Before you start, remind yourself of this truth: it’s only God’s position to judge the inner heart and value
of people. You're not judging peoples' destiny with this task, or assigning low or high value to them. This is about what YOU want and need for your own health and well-being.
While it's true that only God
knows the hearts of other people ... you CAN at least do your best to (a) discern what you see in the lives of the people in your life, and (b) follow the teaching in the Bible to spend time with the wise, and not the “fools” who will bring you down.
Of course we can only do this imperfectly — we can only notice what they say and watch what they do. But often, that tells us enough. With that in mind:
- Write down the name(s) of any guy(s) you spend time with that you recognize are on a different path than you. Guys that you DON’T want to become like. What is it about them that you don’t want for yourself.
- Write down the name(s) of any guy(s) you spend time with who HAVE what you want, or live and behave in ways that you would like to be in your own life. Guys you can learn from. What is it about them that you admire, and want for yourself?
Does this give you any ideas about people to spend less time with? More time with?
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Would you like to go "all in" and join the Renewed Man Boot Camp? It's a 12 Week Immersion in these
principles. You'll get these daily teachings, a weekly video on one of the 12 Keys of Being a Renewed Man, and access to a support group and/or a coaching group that I lead.
Find out more about the Renewed Man Program
here.
