1. Feature Article: "What We Most Want Turns out to Make us the Least
Happy"
Today's article comes from the Renewed Man Boot Camp. Renewed Man is a systematic teaching and coaching series designed to help men grow emotionally, relationally, and spiritually ... developing the essential character quality of "self-mastery." Even though this community is created for men, the principles
are universal -- women will benefit from these insights as well.
We build this teaching around 12 Keys, and this week, we're focusing on Key 10:
CONNECTION TO PURPOSE. Here's how we put it:
10. CONNECTION TO PURPOSE - We take steps to add joy and
meaning to our lives. We realize that sexual self-mastery is not just subtraction, it involves addition -- a vision for what we want in our lives, and the mission we feel called to fulfill.
Here's one of the daily messages from this week's teaching series. I hope this will help you:
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"The poor are happier than the rich, because the poor still think that money can buy happiness … but the rich know better." - Anonymous
The Oxford dictionary defines IRONY as "a state of affairs that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result." It's certainly ironic -- but not in the sense of "amusing" -- that what most people want turns out to make them the least happy.
Many people want a life of ease and luxury, (and maybe fame) ... where they no longer need to work hard and struggle, but have all their needs and desires for pleasure met. But example after example demonstrates for us that this doesn't work.
People are often confused -- even frustrated -- by stories about celebrities or uber-rich people who are desperately unhappy … losing themselves in escapist addictions, or even ending their lives by suicide. We think, "They made it! How
can they be unhappy?"
Finding meaning and an important purpose for our lives is essential for our well-being ... and we can find this joy in a meaningful, purposeful life even in the midst of our struggles.
Whether they realize it or not, most people don't really believe this. Most people still think the reason they're unhappy is because they're not successful enough ... yet. They think that happiness would only be theirs if they meet certain career goals, if they could amass large
amounts of money, or over-the-top success.
They don't face the meaninglessness of their lives … they think the problem is they've not yet reached high enough on the ladder of success (as they define it).
Be careful what you wish for. If the issues of meaning and purpose -- essentially spiritual questions -- are not answered in a
satisfactory way, if and when a person DOES reach certain success markers, they will be REALLY depressed.
This principle doesn't only apply to extremes of wealth and success. I see it every day in the little ways -- where people tie happiness and fulfillment to external things, only to disappointed and disillusioned later. I have heard this story multiple times, with multiple variations:
"I used to be a lonely, unhappy single person. I thought if I just found a partner and got married, then I'd be happy. Well, I got married. Now I'm a lonely unhappy married person."
(or) "I used to be an insecure, depressed, poor person. I thought that if I just made more money, then my problems would be solved. Then I worked hard, rose up the ranks, and now make good money. Now I'm an insecure, depressed rich person."
Listen to these words -- spoken by none other than Richard Nixon -- about the unhappiness he sees in the wealthy people around him:
"If you don’t have [nice things], they can mean a great deal to you. But then when you do have them, they mean nothing.
"To me, the unhappiest people in the world are those in the watering places, the international watering places, the south coast of France and Newport and Palm Springs and Palm Beach. Going to parties every night, playing golf every afternoon, then bridge. Drinking too much, talking too much, thinking too little. Retired. No purpose.
"I know there are those who would totally disagree and say, ‘If I could just be a millionaire, that would be the most wonderful thing. If I could just not have to work every day ... If I could be out fishing or hunting or playing golf or traveling,
that would be the most wonderful life in the world.’
They don’t know life. Because what makes life mean something is purpose. A
goal. The battle. The struggle. Even if you don’t win it.”
Well there you have it: Richard Nixon, a fountain of Recovery Wisdom!
He's right, you know: What makes life meaningful -- and therefore livable
-- is having a purpose that we feel MATTERS in some significant way. And in this program -- where we focus on living with relational, mental/emotional, spiritual, and moral health -- this means everything!
Without a sense of purpose, we'll drift into malaise ... and eventually into maladaptive behaviors of one sort or another.
NEXT ACTION
Today's recovery action is to think of someone you know -- either know personally or know of -- who seems to fit the description from Nixon's quote above. Do you know of someone who seems to be well off, but lacking purpose? Someone outwardly successful, but inwardly seems to be empty?
The point of this exercise is not to judge -- after all, we don't know someone's inner life. At the same time, it's helpful to take the truth that is being shared in the quote and make it personal. Let this serve as a reminder about the importance of having a meaningful, positive purpose.
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Would you like to go "all in" and join the Renewed Man Boot Camp? It's a 12 Week Immersion in these principles. You'll get
these daily teachings, a weekly video on one of the 12 Keys of Being a Renewed Man, and access to a support group and/or a coaching group that I lead.
Find out more about the Renewed Man Program here.
