1. Feature Article: "Emotional Awareness doesn’t mean being
“Emotional”"
Today's article comes from the Renewed Man Boot Camp. Renewed Man is a systematic teaching and coaching series designed to help men grow emotionally, relationally, and spiritually ... developing the essential character quality of "self-mastery." Even though this community is created for men, the principles
are universal -- women will benefit from these insights as well.
We build this teaching around 12 Keys, and this week we focus on the fifth key. Here's
how we state it:
5. EMOTIONAL AWARENESS - We understand and deal with our emotions and internal needs. We don't live at the mercy of our emotions, but neither do we ignore, or try to suppress them.
Here's one of the daily messages from this week's teaching series. I hope this will help you:
************
This week our theme is “emotional awareness.” The opposite of this is emotional blindness, ignorance, or denial. Human beings are emotional. The gender stereotype is that men are less connected to their emotions than women, but of course there are exceptions to this on both sides. Emotional awareness is essential for happiness, for good quality relationships, and for recovery from any kind
of addiction.
It doesn’t work to deny or repress our emotions. We have them. They are there. They arise. They must be dealt with. If they are not, we will unconsciously find ways to distract ourselves from them, or try to soothe ourselves from the negative feelings in ways that are unhealthy.
The classic example is the guy who goes through the day getting treated badly, and becoming more and more angry. Meanwhile, he keeps a smile pasted on his face, and tries to tell himself that he’s not angry, he has no right to be angry, this isn’t such a big deal, and so on. Then he goes home after work, yells at his
wife, his dog, and his kids.
Or what about the guy who feels sad and lonely, because it seems like his wife isn’t interested in sex with him? He doesn’t want to admit this to himself,
so he tries not to think about it. But at a certain point, when he is alone, and has time to himself … and in a moment of self-pity and feelings of resentment towards his wife, he goes online and looks at porn and masturbates.
Or think about a woman who is anxious and stressed about her work. She doesn't know how to let go of her catastrophizing and anxious thoughts. She tries to unload her fears onto her husband, but then starts to worry that he doesn't really listen or care. She comforts herself with late night binges of cookies, cake, or ice cream.
What’s the alternative? The alternative is to stop living in denial, stop pretending you don’t feel
something that you actually do. The alternative is to be honest with yourself. It’s to be clear. It’s to understand and accept that there is an emotion bubbling up.
Once you understand this, and accept it — then you can do something about it. It doesn’t mean you have to cry, although you may want to, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t mean, if
you’re angry, that you should punch a hole in the wall, or yell at your boss. You don’t have to talk to your coworkers about how lonely you are.
At this point, it’s enough to just
understand what’s happening. Learn to name your feelings. Once you get to this point of awareness — being aware enough to know what’s happening in your heart / soul — so much that you’re able to name what it is you’re experiencing — then you’ll be able to do something about it. You’ll be able to live in a way that is wise, and in keeping with what it is that you
need.
NEXT ACTION
Today’s action step is to identify what you’re feeling right now. To help
you with this, I’m providing links to two helpful resources. First is a free chart you can download that groups feelings into clusters. I would highly recommend that you download this chart, and keep it somewhere that you can access it when you need it:
https://3diassociates.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/the-anger-funnel-feelings-chart.gif
The second resource is something you would need to purchase. It’s a laminated chart created by a therapist. Its value is that it not only helps you identify whatever it is you are feeling, it also then
offers guidance about what you can do — healthy responses — depending on what emotions are arising:
https://karlamclaren.com/product/your-dei-emotional-reference-guide/
************
Would you like to go "all in" and join the Renewed Man Boot Camp? It's a 12 Week Immersion in these principles. You'll get these
daily teachings, a weekly video on one of the 12 Keys of Being a Renewed Man, and access to a support group and/or a coaching group that I lead.
Find out more about the Renewed Man Program here.
