One of the 12 keys of the Renewed Man program is something we call "redirected desire." We understand that our sex drive is just that: a DRIVE. It doesn't work for us to simply try to "push our desire down" by trying to repress it. This is
like trying really hard to NOT think about a a pink elephant.
Instead of trying to suppress this drive, we redirect it. We change the focus. We take the energy that accompanies a surge in sexual desire, and pour it into something else that is meaningful and positive.
How do we do this? How does this work in our regular day-to-day life? There are specific steps, or practices, we can take in order to do this. Let's talk about four of them.
These are not simple steps that are do-able in a few minutes. Implementing these practices might take a while, but it's worth the effort! You'll notice that some of these are ongoing tasks, not something you do once and then forget about. Here is how we practice redirected desire:
1.Take whatever steps you can to reduce — ideally eliminate — the sexually charged content that is so common around you.
Exposure to erotic and provocative images — even if it’s not “pornography” — artificially elevates our sex drive, causing distraction, and making it hard to focus our
energy in positive ways.
Getting rid of this material is obviously an ongoing commitment, and may seem too basic to be listed as a step here. But it's important to include it because, if we neglect this step, and live with constant, repeated exposure to erotic content, the rest of the steps won't
work.
Let me emphasize this point again, because it is often misunderstood. If you try to practice "redirected desire" on Wednesday, after you've spent Monday and Tuesday consuming porn or other erotic content … you will fail (and then complain that redirected desire practices
don't work).
Redirected desire will only start to work after you've gotten some distance from the use of sexual content.
2. Make sure you’re clear about your life purpose, and each morning — and periodically throughout the day — refocus your attention and energy on this.
As we state elsewhere in this program, not all of us have a single, clear, definite purpose
… we might have several different things that we focus on. It's also true that we might struggle to get clarity about this aspect of our lives.
Nevertheless, it is ESSENTIAL that you regularly identify and recommit to some higher goals and purposes. If you don’t, where is your energy
going to take you? Into trouble, that’s where!
Remember that this step actually has two parts: first getting some clarity about what you are committed to -- your purpose(s), or mission(s), or thing(s) you want to devote yourself to. THEN, once that is in place, this second step is to take some time EVERY DAY,
ideally in the morning, to remind yourself of this commitment, and hopefully find ways throughout the day to keep this in your mind.
As we've stated elsewhere in the program, "It's hard to say NO, unless you know what YES is." It will be hard (impossible) to say NO to sexual
gratification, unless we have a higher YES to something greater.
3. Pray for God's help specifically for this issue, and set an intention in your heart to redirect your sexual desire throughout the
day.
In connection to the time(s) during the day that you clarify and recommit to your purpose (refer to #2 above), offer a prayer, asking God to help you direct your energy and focus to that today.
Once again, we frequently suggest that you write down words to this effect in your journal, or some other place:
"Today, with God's help,
I will control my sex drive,
rather than letting IT control me."
4. Get up and move if you are struggling with strong temptation.
If you find yourself, at any point during the day, struggling with sexual desire and temptation, do the following:
- Get up from where you are — stand up,
move around, do anything to move the body
- Offer a prayer, asking God for help
- Go back to #3 above -- reconnect to your intention to live IN CONTROL of your sex drive
- Go back to #2 above -- connecting to your purpose -- and find some task to do that is meaningful, and
relates to something you care about. Set about this task, focusing the energy that's been "stirred up" in you onto this work
If you are struggling mentally, change your physiology. If you are struggling with your mind, change your body. Get up. Move around. Get away from the computer or TV. Take a walk. Do some jumping jacks. Do something -- anything -- to change
your physiology.
If temptation is taking over your brain, you're not going to defeat it by using your brain (ie. having a "second thought" or some other more godly thought that shuts down the tempting thought). You need to get OUT OF OUR THOUGHTS … and you do this by changing your physical
state.
Then, in that context, you offer a prayer to God, recommit to your intention to live with sexual self-mastery for the day, and then reconnect to some positive purpose for your life.
