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Many of the talks I give are in settings with evangelical Christians, and there is sometimes an unwritten expectation that the solutions offered in these settings must fit a particular schema. If the steps I suggest for healing and recovery don’t sound “spiritual” enough -- as defined by
their particular group -- people get nervous. I recently gave a talk about finding healing from sexual struggles and sex addiction, and got the question: “What about the power of God? Where is the power of Christ to bring healing in all this?” I had emphasized the need for people to get into recovery groups with other guys, to get honest, to take a look at how they're managing stress and anxiety, and establish boundaries around sexual behavior (among other things). But to people used to hearing messages where the solution to every problem boils down to more prayer / Bible study / evangelism, this probably sounded a little spiritually weak. I have great
respect for people who are spiritually devout, and who seek growth and healing in life from habits that arise out of their faith. But too many Christians make the mistake of seeing God’s work only in the mysterious and subjective. Too many Christians confuse
“faith” with magical thinking.
Magical thinking is where I do nothing, and God does everything. Magical thinking is where I deal with a problem in a way that requires no effort, change, vulnerability, or accountability … I just pray to
God, and God magically fixes it. Real life doesn't work that way. If it did, the Bible would be WAY shorter, and wouldn't talk so much about the practices God calls us to enter into. All of the apostle Paul's letters, for example, would only be half as long, and just remind us of God's promises, and
then simply invite us to claim them. The Bible doesn't read like that because the Christian life doesn't happen like that. In an email response to the organizers of the event, here is what I said about this issue: I’ve been thinking about our talk, after I spoke at your event, and the question that came up about whether there had been enough emphasis on God’s power to help us change. I appreciate
that concern, and I want to clear up what I think is a common misunderstanding in the church today: The key issue for Christian men to find healing from ongoing sexual sin (especially if it’s compulsive or addictive behavior) is to end their isolation and access
the power of God through genuine community with other Christian men. My experience has been that most of the men I work with have genuinely sought God’s help to overcome their sexual addiction, but they have expected this healing to somehow
magically come into their lives in answer to their prayers. Instead, God extends his grace into our lives through people (I Peter 4:10–11). So if one asks, “Where is the power of Christ fit into the plan of healing that I describe in my talks?” The answer is that Christ’s power comes into our
lives as we get honest with other Christian men, and allow other people to be part of our lives in a genuine way (as opposed to living in isolation with our secret lives). If anything, I emphasize the human side of this equation because the men I work with have heard many sermons urging them to
trust God more, seek God more, pray more, memorize more scripture … but they do those things and still find themselves fighting a losing battle with sexual temptation. It should come as no surprise that genuine friendships are the missing link — and a very biblical solution — when you look again
at how essential community was to Jesus (how he spent all his time with the disciples), and Paul and the other NT leaders (they were always doing stuff in teams, and spending time in peoples’ homes). Think of the passage, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Prov 27:17). This can
be applied in all kinds of ways, but part of its power is in the way that genuine friendships help us overcome our insecurities and selfishness, and help us stay consistent with the limits we establish around the things we do. Where this article comes from:As I've written about in a previous email newsletter, I am now publishing content on the writing site medium.com. I'm taking articles from my newsletters in years past, and posting them on this site. You can become a member of the site, and read all my articles (along with the other 200,000 writers there). It's a great place to hang out -- in my opinion
WAY better than social media sites. My Home Page on the site: https://medium.com/@markbrouwer My Recent Articles:
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