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“You don’t get over an addiction by stopping using. You recover by creating a new life where it is easier to not use. If you don’t create a new life, then all the factors that brought you to your addiction will catch up to you again.” —
anonymous
Everyone who struggles with addictive behavior wants fast results in recovery. We’re used to getting things done quickly, and have no patience for complex processes that drag on and on. Moreover, when people seek help for addiction,
they are often experiencing pain and chaos. Partners, family, and friends are at their limit of patience. So everybody involved is calling for dramatic and speedy change. Is that realistic? Can recovery help a person make big changes quickly? The answer is a
qualified “yes.” First the Good News …If we devote ourselves to the process of recovery, we will quickly see significant change in our feelings, self-esteem, and behavior. It’s amazing what can happen in a few
months, when someone gets regular support through a recovery group and counseling, and starts to get some sobriety under their belt. The world becomes a different place. When people start taking recovery seriously, and devoting themselves to honesty and recovery practices, things change fast. It’s great
to see that. But this “pink cloud” of early recovery doesn’t last. And this is where people get into trouble. Weight Loss Analogy …Using weight loss as an analogy — early recovery is the period where someone gets “on the program” and starts losing weight. It’s hard work, but it’s exciting. There is positive energy and momentum, and positive feedback from the scale. We can tell we’re making progress, and we feel encouraged by that. Not only do we get positive feedback from the scale, we sometimes start
getting it from other people who notice that we’re losing weight. That’s what it’s like for many people in early recovery. There is often noticeable progress and encouraging signs in the first months of recovery. If the struggler is in some kind of recovery
group, other members are likely demonstrating support, and commenting on how the person is doing. Sometimes there is also renewal in the marriage relationship, even in the early stages of recovery. Of course this is not always the case, but when it happens, it’s great. Now the Bad News …Here is where we need to face the “qualified” part of the qualified yes. Getting sober isn’t recovery. Recovery is about an internal life-transformation that allows us to STAY sober … to live sober. Getting sober for a few
months is one thing — staying sober for a few decades is another. Getting sober is like losing weight. Living sober is like keeping it off. Just as many people lose weight and few keep it off, so it is that many people get sober and few people stay
sober. The Mindset ShiftMany people start the recovery journey with the wrong mindset. They treat it like a problem in their lives and/or marriages that needs to be solved. They treat it like going on a diet. And after they have solved that problem, they turn their attention
to something else. They’re like the person who lost weight, and now just wants to go back to their regular life. This mindset spells disaster. When you go “on a diet” and lose weight, you will eventually go “off the diet” (back to your old ways) and gain it back. In fact, this yo-yo dieting experience is so common -- almost universal -- that most people are cynical about dieting altogether. And rightly so. The real issue is the mentality of dieting … thinking that it’s a problem to be solved, after which you can turn your attention to other things, and go back to business as usual. Instead, you’ve got to develop a
new way of living. A set of new habits, new ways to reward yourself, a new identity (as someone who eats healthy, and works out), and maybe even a new circle of friends. It’s the same for peoples’ recovery. People with the short term mode of thinking don’t keep focused on the heart issues, the
ongoing need for honest relationships and support, and the ongoing quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. There is a profound shift that needs to take place for lasting recovery. The shift is from stopping a certain behavior to becoming a different
person. Where this article comes from:I regularly publish content on the writing
site medium.com. I'm taking articles from my newsletters in years past, and posting them to my author page on this site. You can become a member of the site, and read all my articles (along with the other 200,000 writers there). It's a great place to hang out -- in my opinion WAY better than social media sites. My Home Page on the site: https://medium.com/@markbrouwer My Recent Articles:
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