“I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth diminishing your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear.”  ― Steve Maraboli

On the one hand, we have lots of responsibilities — lots of things we need to do for our work, our families, and our own well-being. A key theme in this program is to encourage you NOT to slack off on your commitment to well-being and sexual self-mastery. 

But at the same time, we're also told in recovery to "let go." In this week of the Renewed Man program, we're focusing on Key 8, which is "Managing Anxiety and Stress." We’re saying this week that in order to deal with anxiety and stress, you need to let go of your control, which might also be construed as saying, “relax”!

How do you do that?

The key is in knowing what to let go of and what to hold on to. It’s knowing what to push yourself to do, and what to let up on. It’s a balance. People in the recovery field talk about the need to live in balance between letting it happen and making it happen. That’s a good tension for all of us to keep in mind.

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous talks about the link between addiction and our need to control (pages 60-61), comparing the addict to an actor who wants to be in charge of the entire show: the lights, the stage set, and the other actors. 

BUT — sticking with this analogy — the best actors know the importance of a good director. They trust in the director’s expertise and know if they only follow directions, the director will bring out the best in them.

We believe that God is the director of our lives.

For me, this idea about trusting God as the director of my life, rather me trying to direct HIM to run the world as I’d like … this has involved a change in how I think about God’s work in my life, and how I think about prayer. Step eleven of the 12 Steps says that we “Sought through prayer and meditation to maintain our conscious contact with God, praying only for the knowledge of His will and the power to carry that out (emphasis mine).”

What I realize now is that for so much of my life as a Christian, I was going about my spiritual life in a narcissistic way. Prayer was the occasion for me to tell — or beg — God to do things my way. And then I would often become confused, frustrated, and disillusioned when these prayers weren’t answered in the way I was seeking.

Now that has all changed. I don’t pray the same way anymore. This for me is where the power of the Serenity Prayer comes in. I ask God for serenity to accept the things I can’t change, the courage to do what I can about the things I actually have influence over, and wisdom to know what I can and cannot change. All I can say is that it has made a huge difference for me to let go of the need to control.

Take a look at the following list, and see if you agree or disagree with my conclusions … and then ask, “What would it mean for me to let some of these go?”

I can’t control – and therefore worry much less about:

• what people think of me
• what people say behind my back
• how my wife responds to my struggles
• what my kids do when I’m not with them
• what will happen with my work
• what the weather will do
• what the economy will do
• and so on, and so on, and so on …

NEXT ACTION:

Today’s next action is to look again at things you’re trying to control. Write down in your journal five things you’re worrying about right now. Please do this … don't just think about this. Don’t go any further until you write the things down, either on paper or on your computer.

After you’ve written them down, look at the list again. Ask yourself what — if anything — about these situations is within your realm of control? And what is outside your control? What is preventing you from turning these things over to God? “Serenity prayer” them.