The path towards tranquility is the path AWAY from codependency. The Oxford dictionary defines codependency as "excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.” 

There are nuances to how people think of this term. Some focus on the “excessive caretaking of a partner,” or “over-reliance on a partner.” But it can also manifest itself as excessive psychological reliance on others in general. One way that this manifests is through placing an overweening importance on what other people think ... especially about us.

Living this way is a sure path to inner stress and unhappiness. The way to peace is to let go: as Ryan Holiday puts it in the quote below: "Stop caring what other people think. Stop caring what they do. Stop caring what they say." 

Before we hear more from Holiday about this, let me make two observations:

1. I want to affirm that we need to care about what GOD thinks ... just not what other people think.
2. I find that this issue is a big challenge for most pastors. We are incentivized to be people-pleasers. Most people don't understand this. They think: "Well obviously we don't want our pastor to be a people-pleaser." They just want a pastor who pleases THEM personally, and who challenges and/or displeases others in the church. This kind of people-pleasing is a terrible way to live, and one of the reasons so many pastors are unhappy and stressed-out.

Listen to the extended quote, from one of the Daily Stoic newsletters:

We all want more peace, right? More stillness. The quiet confidence that comes from being on the right path, as Seneca described it, and not being distracted by all those which crisscross ours.

Well, how do you get that?

It’s simple, Marcus Aurelius wrote. Stop caring what other people think. Stop caring what they do. Stop caring what they say.

All that matters, he writes, is what you do. Everything else is beyond your concern. You can let it all go. You can ignore it entirely.

We find tranquility when we stop stressing about things we cannot control, whose influence we are impotent to constrain. We find tranquility when we narrow our focus, when we look inward, when we look in the mirror. When we still the uncontrollable passions in our heads, hearts, and bodies.

Stillness is the key to a better life. The bad news is that there is only one way to get it. The good news is that it’s easy. You just have to stop. Stop caring what they think or say or do. Start caring deeply about what you do.

Stop … and start now.

NEXT ACTION:

Today's action step is to reflect on the things that you are feeling anxious or stressed about. Write down the list. Now look at the list and  ask yourself, Which of these items involve caring or worrying about what other people think? Or about what other people do?  What other people say? In other words, which of these items involve worrying about things you can't control anyway?