Why are some people happy and others not? What accounts for the level of happiness in peoples’ lives? As you can imagine, such an existentially important question has been the subject of much philosophical discussion throughout history, but also, much research in the past few decades.

Arthur Brooks is a social scientist, author, and Harvard professor. He's studied and reflected on this topic quite a lot. His recent book, Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier, is excellent. Journalist Khyati Jain recently wrote about his teaching in an article that profiles Brooks’ list of "Top 4 Deadly Habits That Ruin Your Happiness.” (Note: the article link might be behind a paywall.) 

He believes that you are killing your chances of being happy if you follow these 4 deadly habits.

1. You Ruin Your Happiness by Not Valuing Pain

Brooks is serious about the importance of thinking about the difficult experiences of life, and learning from them. His book Build the Life You Want has a lengthy discussion of how a "happy life" will also involve pain and struggle. 

He even offers a strategy to help you do this: a “pain journal.” No, not the kind of journal where you write pages and pages every day, and pour out all your feelings. But rather a short journal that you write a line or two, and then come back to. Here’s the instruction for a “succinct three-line method for pain journaling:”

• Write the problem that caused you pain in one sentence, like “I had a big fight with Dad.”
• Leave two lines empty underneath it.
• Return to this prompt after a month and write a lesson this challenging moment taught you.
• Then revisit this prompt after six months to write a good thing that came out of this suffering.

2. You Are Spending your Money All Wrong

Brooks’ bottom line here? Don’t accumulate a lot of stuff. Instead, spend money on experiences that make you happy. Here’s what you need to do with your money, according to Mr Brooks:

• Experience is a better investment for happiness than materialism. So, spend money on experiences that you have always wanted to have. So, plan the trip that you have been postponing since the pandemic.
• Time is a limited resource. You can’t buy even a nanosecond, no matter how rich you are. But you can spend money wisely to buy back time. Save your precious hours by outsourcing chores that you don’t want to do.
• Charity is proven to raise your happiness. You feel happy and blessed when you share your good fortune with others. So, donate to causes that you care about regularly.

3. Your Poor Social Fitness Wrecks Your Happiness

This relates to teaching from psychoanalyst Dr. Robert Waldinger. Waldinger believes that diverting our attention to people who make us happy is the secret behind a happy life.

Having ”social fitness” makes you more resilient in the face of adversity. Your happiness lies in how comfortable you are in reaching out to others every day.

4. Your Bucket List is Killing Your Happiness

You make your wishes a task when you put too much pressure on yourself to make them come true. Your bucket list is hindering your happiness a little bit every day.

A bucket list resets your expectations immediately after you complete a task on it. The achievement or the experience you just had loses its shine and you jump on the next big thing, without cherishing your achievement.

It also reduces your biggest wishes to mere tasks. So de-clutter your bucket list for a better, more fulfilling life. Opt for a minimalist version of your current bucket list by slashing the three least important things on it. The desires that no longer matter to you now.

NEXT ACTION:

Today's recovery action is to reflect on which things -- of the four mentioned above -- that YOU are doing that are wrecking your happiness. What things can you change … do you need to change … in order to have a happier life?