In our pursuit of recovery from any addictive or compulsive behavior, it's hard to over-estimate the importance of our personal environment. In the 12 Keys we talk about in Renewned Man, ensuring that our environment is aligned with our commitment to living with sexual integrity is the second of twelve keys. I've written about this numerous times in this newsletter, but it's so important that this message bears repeating. The following is based on insights from Shane Parish, writer of the Farnham Street blog: 

When we try to change our behavior—whether it's how we eat, think, pray, or relate to others—we usually start with motivation. Or maybe we set goals. But one of the most powerful influences on our behavior often gets overlooked: our environment.

Not the environment in some abstract sense. I’m talking about the spaces we live in, the messages we absorb, the people we hang out with. These forces work on us beneath the surface, shaping us with slow and steady influence.

The Subtle Drift of Default Behavior

Our brains are wired for efficiency. That means we tend to follow the path of least resistance—especially when we're tired, distracted, or stressed. And more than we realize, our environment determines where that path leads.

For instance, if there's a bag of chips on the counter, it’s going to be harder to stay committed to eating well. But if there are no chips in the house, and you’d have to drive to the store to get some, the odds change dramatically. That little shift in friction can redirect the flow of your choices.

This principle doesn’t just apply to food. It affects how we spend our time, what we think about, how we pray, how we work, and what we desire.

More Than What You Can See

When we hear the word “environment,” we tend to picture our surroundings: the cluttered desk, the tidy living room, the noise level in a crowded café. But some of the most formative parts of our environment are less visible.

Think of your information diet. What you read, watch, or listen to today becomes the raw material your mind uses to process tomorrow. It’s easier to hold a hopeful, grounded, wise perspective when your inputs are honest, thoughtful, and diverse. Not only do they shape what you think—they shape how you think.

The same is true with food. And the same is true with community.

The People Around Us Shape Who We’re Becoming

You're probably heard the saying, “You become like the people you spend time with.” It's been repeated so often, it's almost become a cliche. But it's really true!

We don’t just influence each other through conversation. We absorb each other’s habits, postures, values, even our energy. Spend enough time with kind people, and your compassion grows. Spend time around cynicism, and your trust begins to shrink.

This influence happens subtlly—rarely as the result of a dramatic speech or confrontation. It’s more like osmosis.

So the question becomes: Who am I letting shape my inner world? Whose habits and values are quietly seeping into mine?

Three Practical Shifts

If any of this resonates, here are a few ways you might start creating an environment that supports who you’re becoming:

1. Feed your mind like you feed your body. Choose sources that stretch your perspective. Read classic books, whose ideas have stood the test of time. Listen to voices that challenge your assumptions—not just affirm them. The thoughts you cultivate today will shape your resilience, clarity, and creativity tomorrow.
2. Seek out people whose way of life inspires you. If you’re trying to run more, join others who run. If you want to pray more regularly, find a group that makes space for that. If you're pursuing sobriety, stay connected with others who value it too. Not because they’re perfect—but because their habits align with your hopes.
3. Set up your spaces to support your growth. Place your Bible or journal in a spot that invites you. Remove the digital clutter that lures you into endless scrolling. Make it easier to reach for what brings life, and harder to fall into what drains it.

As you reflect on all of this, here’s a final encouragement: You don’t need to overhaul everything. Even small adjustments to your environment can have a profound impact over time.

And that’s what transformation so often looks like—not a single dramatic decision, but a thousand invisible nudges in the direction of wholeness.