“The attempt to avoid legitimate suffering lies at the root of all emotional illness.” – M. Scott Peck

Over the past two decades, one of the most important lessons in my journey of recovery and spiritual renewal has been this: it’s essential to acknowledge and deal with our emotions.

When we deny what we feel — telling ourselves, “I shouldn’t feel that” — or try to bury it, we set ourselves up for hidden resentment, depression, spiritual bypassing, and burnout.

Part of my growth in recovery and spiritual well-being came from developing a deeper awareness of my own heart — noticing what I was feeling, and choosing to engage with it rather than ignore it or try to force myself to feel something else.

Emotions Are Fleeting — and That’s Good News

In more recent years, I’ve come to see emotions with added nuance. They matter, and they deserve attention. But they are also fleeting.

They’re like waves that rise and crash on the shore — here for a moment, gone the next, soon replaced by another. As the psalmist reminds us:

“Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning.” – Psalm 30:5

Emotions are important, but we are not at their mercy.

“If I Start Crying, I’ll Never Stop”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say, “I don’t want to think or talk about it, because I’m afraid if I start crying, I’ll never stop.”

The truth is, facing those emotions — with the help of a skilled counselor or trusted guide — is often exactly what’s needed for recovery and long-term emotional and spiritual health.

For most of us, our daily struggle with emotions is more ordinary: anxiety, sadness, insecurity, shame, fear. We’d rather avoid them, so we distract ourselves with busyness or numb ourselves with substances, entertainment, or compulsive behaviors.

Jesus on Mourning and Comfort

In teaching about recovery, I often bring up Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount:

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” – Matthew 5:4

I believe many addictive behaviors are ways we try to avoid mourning. But if we don’t mourn, we don’t find comfort. Instead, we settle for distraction — and too often, that leads to addiction.

Which brings us back to M. Scott Peck’s insight at the start of this article. Avoiding legitimate suffering only deepens the struggle.

Learning to Ride the Waves

One mark of spiritual maturity is learning to ride the waves of emotion — to remain centered and at peace even as joy, fear, anger, and sadness come and go. This isn’t something that happens instantly. It’s a process of cooperating with God’s Spirit to develop healing, wisdom, and resilience.

The Sufi poet Rumi expressed it beautifully. His famous poem reminds us to welcome all our emotions — even the painful ones — because they often carry something we need to hear:

Guest House
This being human is a guest house. Every day a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
Be grateful for whatever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from Beyond.
– Rumi (translated by Coleman Barks)