In the Renewed Man program, we approach recovery as more than behavior change—we see it as a multi-faceted journey of healing and transformation. Compulsive struggles often take root in places of disconnection, shame, and unmet needs -- so we work to address those deeper layers. One of the 12 keys we focus on is Building Healthy Intimacy in Marriage — and for those who are single, it’s about learning to meet our God-given need for connection in life-giving, healthy ways. What follows is an adapted teaching from this week’s material, highlighting some of the habits that help love last.

***

Years ago, I read an article by journalist Kelsey Borresen that stuck with me. She had interviewed a number of Marriage and Family Therapists and asked them a simple question: What do the happiest couples do differently? From their answers, she created this list of seven practices that healthy couples cultivate.

As you read through this list, I invite you to think about your own relationship—or, if you’re not in one right now, reflect on the kind of connection you’d like to build in the future. 

You might find that one or two of these stand out as growth areas ... aspects of your relationship where things are not going well. That’s okay. Relationships are living things. They grow when we tend to them.

1. They tell the truth—even when it’s hard

Happy couples speak their minds. Not in a reckless, unfiltered way—but with honesty, vulnerability, and care. They don’t just avoid lying; they also resist the temptation to withhold. They ask for what they need. They talk about what’s bothering them. They express joy and appreciation. And they do this not to control or criticize, but to stay connected.

2. They go beneath the surface

It’s one thing to talk. It’s another to truly open your heart. Healthy couples take the risk of emotional honesty. They share fears. They name grief. They let themselves be seen—not just in their accomplishments or roles, but in their longings and flaws. Vulnerability is scary … but it’s also how trust and intimacy deepen.

3. They give each other the benefit of the doubt

Here’s where things get practical: communication isn’t just about what’s said—it’s about how it’s received. Couples in trouble tend to jump to conclusions. They assign motives. They get stuck in reactivity. But healthy couples pause. They ask questions. They seek clarification. They remember, “This person loves me. Maybe I’m not hearing them right.” This one habit—graceful interpretation—can defuse countless conflicts before they escalate.

4. They balance togetherness with individuality

In the early days of a relationship, it’s easy to do everything together. That closeness builds intimacy. But over time, healthy couples learn the art of space. They support each other’s hobbies. They cheer for each other’s goals. They know that cultivating individual growth actually strengthens the relationship, not threatens it.

5. They keep affection alive—in large and small ways

Physical touch matters. Not just in big, romantic moments, but in everyday gestures. A hand on the back as you pass in the kitchen. A kiss goodbye. A long hug at the end of a long day. These small acts are like deposits in the emotional bank account of the relationship. They communicate, “I see you. I’m here for you. You matter to me.”

6. They fight—but they fight fair

Even the healthiest couples argue. The difference is how they do it. They don’t weaponize words. They avoid name-calling and scorekeeping. They know how to hit pause when things get heated. And—this is key—they’re willing to get help when needed. If you find yourselves having the same arguments on repeat, or if conflict consistently turns ugly, that’s not a sign of failure. It’s a sign that it’s time to invite a wise, outside voice—like a therapist—into the process.

7. They work on their relationship with a builder's mindset

Happy couples don’t expect their relationship to thrive on autopilot. They work on it and invest in it. They talk about what kind of marriage they want. And they understand that building a life together takes effort—just like building a career or raising kids. Sometimes that means having hard conversations. Sometimes it means changing old habits. But they stay committed to the work, even when it’s uncomfortable.

You don’t have to be perfect at all of these. No couple is. But if you recognize that your relationship is something that is really important in your life — something worth tending and growing — then you’re already on the right path.

(If you’d like to read the original article by Kelsey Borresen, you can find it here.)