Every day I’m becoming more aware that what our culture calls normal is actually harmful to our well-being. “Going with the flow” — being “just like everyone else” — now means living in a way that leaves us physically unhealthy, emotionally exhausted, spiritually cynical, and addicted to something or other.

I was reminded of this when I came across an editorial by George Monbiot in The Guardian. He points out that much of what’s breaking us isn’t just personal weakness — it’s the system we live in:

“What greater indictment of a system could there be than an epidemic of mental illness? Yet plagues of anxiety, stress, depression, social phobia, eating disorders, self-harm and loneliness now strike people down all over the world…

Though our wellbeing is inextricably linked to the lives of others, everywhere we are told that we will prosper through competitive self-interest and extreme individualism.”

He’s right. So much of modern life is designed to pull us apart. We compete rather than collaborate. We compare rather than connect. And now, not only are we trying simply to outdo one another, we’re trained to divide from one another — to sort ourselves into political, social, or ideological camps, and to see those who disagree with us as the enemy. 

The system runs on outrage and comparison, not compassion or cooperation. Schools, workplaces, and even churches sometimes end up reinforcing the idea that your worth depends on outperforming or outarguing someone else.

And when life starts to feel hollow, what do we do? We consume. We buy more, scroll more, and distract ourselves more — until comparison, division, and isolation have numbed us completely.

Monbiot continues:

“Social isolation is strongly associated with depression, suicide, anxiety, insomnia, and fear. It’s more surprising to discover the range of physical illnesses it causes or exacerbates... Loneliness has a comparable impact on physical health to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.”

That’s sobering. And it fits perfectly with what psychology — and Scripture — have been saying for generations.

Alfred Adler's Insight About Mental Health

My wife Charlene, who is trained in the psychology of Alfred Adler, often talks about Adler’s idea of social interest: the sense of belonging and usefulness that comes from living in connection with others. For Adler, social interest was the bedrock of psychological well-being.

Adler wrote this in 1926:

“True happiness is inseparable from the feeling of giving. The deeply unhappy, the neurotic, and the desolate person stem from among those who were deprived of being able to develop the feeling of community.”

We were designed for connection. As Genesis reminds us, we’re made in the image of a relational God. From the very beginning, the Lord said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18). And centuries later, Paul would echo this truth: “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2).

The Real Problem Isn’t Just That We’re Lonely

Monbiot’s closing paragraph gets to the heart of it:

“This does not require a policy response. It requires something much bigger: the reappraisal of an entire worldview. Of all the fantasies human beings entertain, the idea that we can go it alone is the most absurd and perhaps the most dangerous.”

Exactly. The issue isn’t just that we’re lonely — it’s that we’ve built a world that produces loneliness. We’ve accepted isolation, hurry, and competition as “normal.” And it’s killing us — emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

This is the same message people in recovery have been saying for decades: isolation kills. None of us heals alone. None of us grows alone. We need people to walk with us, to hold us up, and to remind us who we are when we forget.

It’s also the message of the Gospel: Christianity is not a solo sport. We don’t follow Jesus in isolation. We are called into community — the Body of Christ — to love and be loved, to give and receive grace together.

So I'm sharing this article, with references to Monbiot's editorial, not because the insight is new. Rather, I share it because it’s remarkable to see a secular journalist, in a secular newspaper, naming the same spiritual truth that Jesus and the prophets declared long ago:

It's not that our society is working okay, and that people in it are a little too lonely and isolated. No, the problem is the society itself. It's how we live. It's what we accept as 'normal.' The hyper-stressed, consumerism-focused, and individualistic way of life that we call 'normal' is killing us -- emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

If we want long-term recovery from addiction … if we want spiritual depth and sustainable joy … we have to stop trying to live “normal” lives with a little religion sprinkled on top.

We need a new normal — one that’s rooted in community, compassion, and connection with God and each other.

NEXT ACTION

If isolation is what’s breaking us, then healing begins with connection. This week, take one intentional step to move toward genuine community.

Start small. Think about one person you trust — someone you could be honest with about how you’re really doing. Reach out. Send a message. Ask to grab coffee or go for a walk. Don’t overthink what to say. Just take the step.

Maybe your next step is to reconnect with a group you’ve drifted from — a small group, recovery circle, or church community. Show up again. You don’t have to fix anything or have it all together. Just be present.

If you already have people around you, ask yourself: Am I letting them really know me? Many of us are surrounded by others and still feel alone because we never open the door. Take a risk this week to share something real — something honest.

Remember what Scripture says: “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

That doesn’t happen automatically. It happens one small, brave act of connection at a time.