Some of you may remember this from childhood: you open a present, and before you’ve even had a chance to see what it is, a parent leans in with the classic line — “What do you say?”

In my family growing up, this wasn’t a big ritual. But when I started dating the woman who is now my wife, I realized quickly that this was a very big deal in her home. Christmas, birthdays, any gift at all — before the wrapping paper even hit the floor, someone (often her mom) was already calling out, “What do you say?”

So now here we are, 40 years later ... and it's still happening! If I get a gift from someone in her family, it won't be long before I get a text from my wife, "Did you send them a thank you note yet?" 40 years later, she's still doing this! And 40 years later, she still needs to do this, because half the time, I still forget.

All of us know that gratitude is important. But if you’ve spent any time reading Scripture, you also know the Bible doesn’t just mention gratitude occasionally — it repeats the command constantly:

• “Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name.” (1 Chron. 16:8)
• “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.” (Psalm 106:1)
• “Be thankful.” (Col. 3:16)
• “Give thanks in all circumstances.” (1 Thess. 5:18)

This raises the question: Why so many reminders?

Is God just trying to train us in spiritual manners, or is something else going on? To put it another way: Are we called to give thanks because God needs it, or because WE need it?

That's kind of a trick question. I think it's really BOTH. Yes there IS a relational dimension to gratitude — acknowledging a gift honors the giver. But mostly, it's for us. We need to practice gratitude in order to have a happy life. Let's take these one by one: 

1. Gratitude strengthens our relationships — with God and with others

Have you ever given someone a meaningful gift — something that cost you a lot of time or thought — and they barely acknowledged it? No thank you, no recognition. I'm sure that didn’t feel great.

Gratitude builds connection. It communicates, “I see what you’ve done, and it matters to me.”

When we express gratitude toward God, we’re not providing Him with something He lacks. Rather, we’re strengthening the channel between us — the same way a thank-you strengthens a bond between two people.

Gratitude is the relational glue that keeps us connected to the One who sustains us and to the people God has placed in our lives. In that sense it gives us an important dose of humility, which leads us to appreciate God and others more (and be a little less self-absorbed).

While all that is true, there's something deeper going on here. Gratitude isn’t simply the polite thing to do. It makes our lives better. It shapes us. It recalibrates our souls.

2. Gratitude Builds Joy

Gratitude has an amazing way of expanding our capacity for joy. And I don’t mean joy as in a fleeting mood, but the deeper emotional steadiness that allows us to face life with courage and hope. It does this in a variety of ways.

It helps us be less anxious. When we practice deliberate thanksgiving, we interrupt the mental loops that keep us fixated on what might go wrong. Gratitude shifts attention toward what is true, stable, and already good. Over time, this trains our nervous system to settle, not spiral. Many people discover that a short list of things they’re thankful for can calm them more effectively than any pep talk they try to give themselves.

It helps reduce our anger and resentment. It's surprisingly hard to stay angry while listing things your grateful for. That doesn’t mean gratitude ignores injustice or denies real frustration. It simply broadens your emotional horizon. When you call to mind the good in a situation — or the good that has come from God and others — your anger loses its edge, and your heart becomes more willing to respond with wisdom rather than reactivity.

It helps us face sadness. When life feels heavy, gratitude becomes a lifeline. It helps us to see that even in loss, there are gifts: the people who stood with you, the ways God sustained you, the little things that came together and helped you even in the midst of struggle or suffering. Naming these does not erase sadness, but it keeps sadness from becoming the whole story.

Modern research continues to affirm what Scripture has taught all along: gratitude is one of the most effective ways to cultivate emotional well-being. It helps rebuild joy in the places where life has worn us thin.

NEXT ACTION

Here’s one of the easiest ways to make gratitude more than just something you “believe in" but part of your actual life:

Each night, as you lie in bed, list at least 

FIVE things you're thankful for. 

The things you list don't need to be profound. Your list might include:

• a conversation you had that day
• a meal you enjoyed
• an answered prayer
• a small mercy
• a person you care about

Let your mind drift through the day and notice the gifts. If you fall asleep before you finish, that’s a wonderful way to end a day — drifting off with gratitude rather than stress.

Over time, this small habit will change the tone of your inner life. It shapes what you notice, how you remember your days, and how you relate to the people -- and the world -- around you.