One of the great problems for many people today -- especially professional men -- is
isolation. We might have lots of people contact ... but not real community. We might have associates and colleagues, but not real friends. In my work with many people in recovery, I have seen the truth of this rule of thumb: The more isolated a person, the more prone to addiction; and the more addicted a person is, the more isolated they are. For people in recovery, the process of finding authentic community is essential, and for many it is the missing
link.
With that in mind, it's also interesting to note that most every spiritual tradition seems to emphasize the other side of the coin: the importance of solitude. Granted, Christianity clearly emphasizes community ... but it also emphasizes solitude. Solitude and community are both essential for a person's well-being (and for
recovery). Note that we are talking about healthy solitude, as opposed to isolation.
Solitude helps us maintain healthy community. It exposes the artificiality of so many of our exchanges, and helps us see how certain relationships are destructive for us. Community helps us maintain healthy solitude -- provided that it's
healthy and honest community. Healthy and honest community exposes and corrects our distorted thinking, helps us feel love and acceptance, and prevents solitude from becoming isolation.
The following article comes from the contemplative Carolyn Humphreys, and it talks about the spiritual value of solitude. Ask yourself:
"Do I have enough -- and the right kind -- of community in my life?"
"Do I have enough -- and the right kind -- of solitude in my life?"
One channel through which we learn more about God and ourselves is solitude. In the lives of pilgrims exploring the vast realm of the spiritual, solitude is a very important resource for development. However, our North American culture is not supportive of solitude. People may be made to feel guilty if they spend or enjoy time alone. They are called loners, antisocial, or are said to be
strange.
But when there is no solitude in our daily lives, there is no time to examine deeply, acknowledge and accept ourselves. Saints and sages emphasize the vast importance of solitude. When we are alone, without distraction and with God's help, we can face who, what and why we are. Self-knowledge accompanies our journey into
God.
Self-knowledge requires solitude. Spending lengthy times in solitude is only for the spiritually mature who sincerely seek the truth of God. Long periods of solitude are not for the naïve enthusiast, spiritual neophyte or neurotic zealot. Solitude used to deepen spirituality differs from getting away because one is tired of people, is seeking
self-centered pursuits or is in need of neurotic isolation.
The revelations and discoveries found in solitude can be unexpected or even unimaginable. In solitude we are least alone. We pray for others and we who pray for others become convinced of our own need for reform. We see our own deep need for conversion and learn how to repent. Long solitude
is a dear teacher: it scrapes us raw with the file of self-knowledge.
We find it takes time to settle down to a life that has no deadlines, tight schedules or things that must be done. We are frightened by the thought of having nothing to do. Romantic imaginings or fanciful mystical revelations are blown apart. We stand in a wasteland. Devotional
thoughts that used to bring our hearts and minds to God no longer seem to work. Preoccupation about what God will or will not do for us vanishes like the morning mist in the midday sun.
Solitude teaches the great lesson of giving ourselves to God at the beginning of each day. By so doing we are less concerned about disruptive or delightful events in
our day nor about tomorrow or yesterday. God will carry us through all as a loving father carries his child. In retrospect we can see everything as a blessing.
Anything can expend our capacity to be filled with Christ's love. Anything can be a grace. Our initial encounters with solitude focus on ways to improve our spiritual life. Later, we
focus on who it is we are seeking, knowing we can never completely find Him. Our long solitude is shrouded in mystery.
We face the world, fully present to it, but not of it. As pilgrims we pass through life with no lasting home. All things are passing. Everything was made by God. All He made is good. Our renewed vision focuses on the good and brings
it to the fore. Goodness fuses the sacred and the secular. In the solitude at the depth of our being we find that everything finite is a stepping stone and reminder of the infinite.
- Carolyn Humphreys
