It's so common that it's almost cliche -- people push themselves and refuse to take into account their limitations and need for self renewal ... and then wind up getting into trouble. They give so much to others, and put out so much energy -- without taking energy in, and renewing themselves -- and they start to feel depressed, depleted, bitter, and maybe a little entitled. So they indulge in some kind of unhealthy way: with food, sex, drink, or drugs (including that most toxic drug of all: resentment). 

Going down this road takes you to one of three places: blow up, burnout, or fade out.

Blow ups happen when the person's use of unhealthy and/or immoral coping strategies like sex or drinking or drugs gets discovered and creates a crisis ... and often dismissal. Burnout happens when the person reaches such a state of depletion that the only option they see is to quit -- or take a long sabbatical. Fade out is less dramatic, but no less destructive: It happens when the person continues in their position, but loses his or her motivation and enthusiasm, just cynically going through the motions. 

Do you see yourself at all in that picture? Is your life strong on the giving and service side, but weak on the receiving renewing side? Do you see yourself turning to unhealthy ways of coping, because you are too exhausted to do things that are genuinely renewing? 

In my mentoring work, and in the upcoming book, I expand on the following two things that I see as essential for people who are engaging in service:

1. Face the reality of your humanness

Life and work are very different when you recognize your humanity and your limitations. You need rest, you need renewal, and whether you like it or not, the truth is that you can't work with total focus and concentration for long periods of time. You imagine that other people -- celebrity leaders, CEOs, or uber-productive writers -- are able to work with super-human focus and stamina. Whether that's true or not is debatable, but irrelevant. What matters is what's true for you ... and you are human.

2. Make self-renewal a non-negotiable part of your life

If you are doing work that engages in service to others -- whether you're an entrepreneur, leader, care-giver, counselor/coach, or even parent -- you must come to terms with this important truth: nobody is really looking out for your well-being. They don't understand the challenges you are facing. They are (generally) so consumed with their own challenges and drama that they aren't really focused on helping you. It's not because people are bad or selfish, it's just they way things are.

If you are being of service to others, it is the natural order of things that they will assume you are okay, and not be on the lookout for signs that you are overworked or depleted. That is your job. Their job is to receive from you.

So what are some ways you can nurture yourself without damaging yourself? If you can find ways of restoring your soul that are really restoring, then you won't feel the pull so much of doing things that are distractions and indulgences that are damaging to your well being.