From the beginning, the church has had an uneasy relationship to sexuality. Jesus and Paul were single, seemed to advocate singleness, and Paul frequently warned of the dangers of the sexual immorality of his time. 

Early church teaching was dominated by the influence of Greek philosophical dualism. This philosophy pitted body against soul, and escalated the prohibitions about sexual immorality into prohibitions about sex and sexual desire in general. This led to things like early church father Origen castrating himself, early church leaders forbidding priests to have sex, and then later even get married, suggesting that Mary had been a virgin not only before Jesus was born, but her whole life, and Pope Innocent III promoting the idea that sex, even within marriage, was always sinful, and therefore, all people are defiled through conception.

Of course we no longer believe those things, and Protestants don't require celibacy from their church leaders. But this legacy lives on in an institution that sees its role as denouncing immorality, but struggles to help those who struggle with their morals.

So many of the people I work with who are dealing with sexual struggles -- either their own or a family member's -- have found their church to be less than helpful. (Of course there are glorious exceptions to these rules, and we are thankful for them, but the exceptions don't disprove the rule.)

I'm getting doing a message series at Loop Church about sexuality, and I've been thinking again about how sex is talked about in churches. Here are four lies that the church tells its members. 

I understand the reason for this: we're living in a culture that seems sex-crazed, and we don't want to follow in that mold. It might seem that by emphasizing how minor a role sex has in our lives can help restore some sanity to our insane world. 

Except it's not true.

Here's what IS true: Sex really is important to come to terms with, especially in our world today. Even though it takes up comparatively little time in our lives, the energy of sexual desire affects us and our relationships in immeasurable ways, and the consequences of positive and negative experiences with it ripple out in our lives.

The first thing said about you when you were born had to do with your sex, you interact with your sexual organs multiple times a day, many of your relationships are colored by the awareness of sexual dynamics, and it's likely that many of your thoughts and desires are related in some way to sexual relationships. 

Not only that, but sex is also the source of tremendous suffering for many of us. This is the message that's being emphasized in our current cultural moment of heightened awareness about sexual harassment and abuse of women. For many people, the deepest wounds in their lives have to do with sexual violation, rejection, or betrayal. 

Yes it's true that the actual acts of sex take up a tiny fraction of our waking hours. And it's also true that many people go through life with very few sexual experiences, and some have none at all. But don't let that mislead you into thinking it's not important. Even many of those same people who have little to no sex are deeply affected by it, possibly from bad experiences they have had with it, or grief over its absence in their lives.

This may be one of the most important -- and damaging -- untruths. It may not be said overtly, but the message many Christians get from their growing up years is that sex is wrong and bad and shameful. In the church we decry sexual immorality so much that it starts to sound like sexual desires are themselves wrong, or at least dangerous. We're fond of quoting Jesus' words in the Sermon on the Mount that "whoever looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery in his heart." But we don't often stop to reflect on what it means to look at a woman with sexual desire in a way that is NOT lustful. We struggle to understand how sexual desire could be compatible with purity and holiness.

Here's what IS true: sexual desire is God-given, and is quite compatible with holiness and purity. The sexual drive is natural and healthy, and doesn't need to conflict with our spiritual desire. Too many Christians are taught to feel shame about being sexual beings, being made to believe such feelings are "dirty."

Joan Timmerman writes this: "God's glory is diminished by any narrowed vision or truncated view of what it means to be a complete embodied person. If embodiment suggests temptation rather than empowerment, if our view of sexuality as a 'bodily' characteristic is regarded as something that must be overcome and left unused while mind, will, and other spiritual faculties are to be developed, then our view of sex needs to be reexamined."

Spirituality and sexuality have a great deal in common, and are used in the Bible to illustrate each other. Let me quote at length from Judy and Jack Balswick in their excellent book "Authentic Human Sexuality."

"According to the biblical account, sexuality is part and parcel of the creative act of God. Experientially, sexuality and spirituality may be considered analogous experiences. Sexual fulfillment is meant to be a climactic experience that takes place in a relationship between two people who totally give themselves to each other. The Christian concept of spirituality can likewise be thought of as yielding to and being filled by God's Spirit. The height of Christian spirituality is to be filled by God in such a way that one's own will has become God's will, and desire is effortless experience of being in harmony with God's will."

There is a sacredness to sexual union. The phrase in the Bible for this comes from Genesis 2:24, and is repeated by Jesus in Mark 10, and Paul in Ephesians 5: two become one flesh and are united. In the act of sex this is the experience of soul as well as body. 

The culmination of the sexual experience (orgasm) represents a letting go of conscious thought and experiencing the bliss of union with the other person. In that moment, as some people say, you have one conscious being ... with four arms and four legs.

The Balswick's go on: