Why is it so hard to get good leaders?

Published: Thu, 02/01/18

Renew Weekly

​​​​​​​Thursday Update  02.01.18


Notes, quotes, and links from Mark Brouwer. I help spiritually minded people who want to make a difference with their lives but struggle with overwhelm, stress, addiction, and discouragement. This might help ...

What you'll find in this issue:  

1. Jenny Lawson on what it's like to come out of the grips of depression
2. Follow up to the last issue ... Four Lies the Church Tells People About Sex
3. Audio Program: Why the Church Struggles to Help Sexual Strugglers
4. FEATURE ARTICLE -- Why is it so hard to get good leaders in churches and non-profits?
5. Quote of the week


1. Jenny Lawson on what it's like to come out of the grips of depression

“When you come out of the grips of a depression there is an incredible relief, but not one you feel allowed to celebrate. Instead, the feeling of victory is replaced with anxiety that it will happen again, and with shame and vulnerability when you see how your illness affected your family, your work, everything left untouched while you struggled to survive. We come back to life thinner, paler, weaker … but as survivors.

"Survivors who don’t get pats on the back from coworkers who congratulate them on making it. Survivors who wake to more work than before because their friends and family are exhausted from helping them fight a battle they may not even understand.

"I hope to one day see a sea of people all wearing silver ribbons as a sign that they understand the secret battle, and as a celebration of the victories made each day as we individually pull ourselves up out of our foxholes to see our scars heal, and to remember what the sun looks like.”

            - Jenny Lawson


2. Follow up to the last issue ... Four Lies the Church Tells People About Sex

In the last edition of this newsletter, I wrote an article called "Four Lies the Church Tells People About Sex." It got so long I had to split it in two. I decided that I've been devoting enough time and attention to the topic of sexuality in this newsletter, so I published part two of that article in my other newsletter (focused on recovery). In this week's edition of the newsletter here, I'm giving you different content. 

But if you want to follow up on the article, I'll include the link below so you can access that one too. (I wouldn't want to leave you hanging in suspense!)

Four Lies The Church Tells People About Sex - Part 1 (last edition of this newsletter)
Four Lies The Church Tells People About Sex - Part 2  (from Recovery Remixed newsletter)

recognize that a number of the recent newsletters have been dealing with the topic of sexuality. I've done this because it's been an important topic in the national conversation, and right now I'm doing a teaching series about it at Loop Church. 

This newsletter is focused on helping people who are wanting to leave their mark in the world to do so from the vantage point of emotional and spiritual health. It's certainly true that when our sexuality is misshaped, it causes personal suffering, and affects our ability to be effective in the work we do to help others.
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If you like and are helped by what you read in my newsletters, please forward them to others. I know some of you are doing that, and thanks! I want to get this message -- of living and serving others from a place of emotional and spiritual well-being -- out to as many people as possible!

I am making a commitment to post more of my articles on medium.com -- https://medium.com/@markbrouwer/ -- as well as my own sites: http://lastingleaders.com and http://sexual-sanity.com. Please read and share, as you see fit. Blessings!



3. Audio Program: Why the Church Struggles to Help Sexual Strugglers

Recovery from addiction is hard for anyone. People struggling with addiction who have a strong religious background in Christian churches face some unique challenges.

This program is a set of four audios that were recorded from telephone seminars. Each audio has a lecture, followed by Q and A, and comes with a notes page. Each seminar discusses a different side of the challenges of recovery — especially as it relates to sexual struggles.

 
4. FEATURE ARTICLE: Why is it so hard to get good leaders in churches and non-profits?
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If you were to ask pastors or directors of nonprofit organizations to name their greatest needs, chances are that “leadership development” would be high on the list. I’m often hearing people say, “We need more leaders.” “We need leaders to step up.” Not just volunteers … we need leaders. For organizations to thrive, they need people with the ability to encourage and coordinate others. 

This is especially challenging for non-profit organizations like churches, where most of the work is done by volunteers. Whether it be positions on church boards or roles in various ministries within the church, pastors and other leaders in churches recognize how hard it is to recruit people into leadership roles.

It’s one thing to volunteer your time and “help out” in some way. You can show up, serve, and then go home when the event, ministry, or class session is over. But taking on the responsibility of leading something takes you to a new level of investment, with things to worry about and people frustrations to deal with.

Whenever I speak or consult with church leaders or staffs about their ministry, at some point I know this question/frustration will come up. “Why can’t we get more leaders?” “Where are the leaders?” “What can we do to develop more leaders?” And then I start asking questions. I ask people why they think this is such a problem. Why are they finding it hard to get people into positions of leadership? 

There are different levels to the answers to this question. They range in complexity and in how hard they are to admit. When people turn down a request to serve as a leader, they will almost always cite the first concern -- the surface issue -- which may or may not tell the whole story. Often, these responses are only masking deeper issues. The common, surface issues people cite are:


1. “I don’t have the time.”

The first and almost universal reason for refusing an invitation to lead is “lack of time”. People say that they are just too busy with their families and careers. When asked to take on a leadership role, more often than not, this is what people will focus on and talk about. Obviously, this is often an important and legitimate issue, and we deal with it at length in other sections of this book. 

But, as the saying goes, we always have time for the things that really matter to us. It’s almost always the case that a person could -- if they really wanted to -- clear their schedule, make changes in other activities and commitments, and find a way to take on the leadership role you are asking of them. They’re saying they can’t, but in some (many?) cases, they just don’t really want to. There’s more going on.


2. “I don’t want the hassle.”

The second reason people turn down leadership roles is related to “lack of time”, but it’s more pointed and harder to admit they don’t want to deal with the hassle. Sometimes people are fearful of the responsibility that comes with leadership. Think about it: If you volunteer to help in some way (without having the role of “leader”), it’s easier for you to draw the line between what you will and will not be able to do. You can say things like: “I’ll show up between 7 and 9 on Wednesdays and help with this class … but that’s all I will do. If you have any problems or additional needs, you’ll have to take care of them yourself or get someone else.” 

But if you agree to lead, then the responsibility falls back on you, and you might wind up being overwhelmed. 

Not only that, but if you lead, you might very well have to work through frustrations and conflict. If people have seen others in leadership go through conflict and/or challenging circumstances, they might decide they don’t want any part of that. It’s almost humorous to see churches that are filled with cranky people and embroiled in frequent conflict, wonder why nobody wants to serve on the church leadership board. The people don’t lack commitment. It’s just that they’ve seen the pain and frustration of people in those roles and don’t want any part of it. We’ll talk more about this in another section.


3. “I’m uncomfortable with the leadership role”

There’s another issue lurking under the surface for some people, and I notice this especially in spiritual communities: Some people are uncomfortable being put in a leadership role, particularly if that leadership involves spiritual oversight. They don’t think they’re qualified or have what it takes to lead in a spiritual context.

Of course this is not true of everyone. Many people are open to, and others even seek out, leadership roles. Sometimes people seek out leadership roles for unhealthy reasons. Maybe they like being at the center of things, “in the know”, or at the center of the action. Maybe the idea of being “in charge” strokes their ego and gives them a feeling of superiority, which they relish because it helps to combat nagging feelings of insecurity.

I have served as a church planter, starting new churches in Austin, Texas, and suburban Minneapolis, Minnesota. One thing church planters learn is to be on the lookout for people who seek out positions of leadership for unhealthy reasons. Start-up churches are often desperate for leaders, and unfortunately they sometimes attract emotionally unhealthy people who want to be a “big fish in a little pond”.

Not everyone is hesitant to take on a position of leadership, and sometimes the wrong people are eager for the role. But it is also the case that some people who would be good in the role don’t think they are right for it.

Some people get hung up on the idea of being a leader -- especially in a spiritual context -- and question their qualifications or readiness for it. Many of us are very aware of our foibles and might feel unqualified to take on a leadership role in the church because of our own problems. Beyond that, sometimes we have a picture in our minds of what the ideal leader should be, and of course we think that we are not that kind of person. We have the idea of a leader as a super charismatic, alpha-male style person, and we don’t see ourselves in that way. 

Some people struggle with the leadership role because they are uncomfortable coordinating others, which they perceive as "telling other people what to do". They fancy themselves as servants, and somehow it feels inappropriate for them to ask others to do a task that they could do themselves. Once again, this problem is especially pronounced in spiritual contexts. I’ve had it happen many times over the years that someone is tasked to organize something like making coffee on Sunday mornings or doing clean-up, and instead of organizing a group of people to do that, they wind up doing it themselves. They feel uncomfortable calling someone up and asking them to do a task. They would rather just do it themselves. This is a fast track to burnout and resentment. 

Somehow, people need to have the vision clear in their minds that other people want to help, that it is in their best interest to help, and to do the task of coordinating that help is really important.

It seems that we have many assumptions about what leadership is and how it should be done. Maybe it would help if we had a little more clarity and a more expansive view of leadership. For too many of us, whatever ideas we have about leadership, we come to the conclusion that we are not that person.

But what if our assumptions are wrong?
5. Quote of the week: 

"Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself.
When you become a leader, success is all about growing others."
- Jack Welch


Let's keep in touch ...
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I write and speak at events as director of Renew Resources. I also am leader and teacher at Loop Church in Chicago. If you're ever in the area, come join us on a Sunday morning! Places to find my writing:


The Recovery Journey
Check out my 90 Day program for starting (or renewing) your recovery from sexual addiction / compulsion called "The Recovery Journey". There's also a special program for the partners of addicts.

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