I
equip people to serve God and others in a way that is both fruitful and sustainable. I do this through teaching, writing, and coaching. This newsletter is part of that work.
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1. Personal Update
2. FEATURE ARTICLE: 3 Things I've Learned in 34 Years of Marriage
3. We aren't good at dealing with suffering like the pandemic
4. Quote of the Week
5. How to Share -- and Sign Up for this :-)
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I hope this newsletter finds you well. As I reported in the last edition of this newsletter, my mom has been living in a nursing home and was diagnosed with COVID19. Here's the good news: She has recovered! She's back in her room, and doing well. Thanks for your kind words of support and prayers!
Our church has started face-to-face worship services once again, utilitzing social distancing and masks to keep people as safe as possible. We are live-streaming our service ... if you'd like to get access to these services, with a reminder of the topic and then the link to use on Sunday to access the service, sign up here:
Be blessed!
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“If you feel like it's time to level up your game, and make a bigger difference -- this book will show you how. Mark is someone who knows what he's writing about. He's lived it, and he's helped equip leaders around the world to maximize their impact.”
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- Paula Rizzo
Media consultant, former Fox News producer, author of "Listfully Thinking"
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2. FEATURE ARTICLE: 3 Things I've Learned in 34 Years of Marriage
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“If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You don't abuse it. You don't expose it to the elements. You don't make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by."
- F. Burton Howard
"What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility."
- Leo Tolstoy
This weekend, my wife Charlene and I will celebrate 34 years of marriage. It's hard to imagine that we've been together so long. We are so young! How did this happen?! One day you wake up, and you realize you've been with this person for 34 years.
Last summer I had the privilege of officiating the wedding of my son Alex and daughter-in-law Julia. In the wedding I talked about three common ideas about marriage that I've come to see are myths. I've learned this over the years in my own marriage, as well as the work I've done in ministry, and as a counselor to many people in recovery from addiction, working through the aftermath of major marriage challenges.
I wrote about these three myths in a previous edition of this newsletter, but I'd like to share them here as well. I've seen many marriages struggle, and many break apart. I've also seen people stay together in marriage, but live with ongoing dysfunction, lack of intimacy, and unhappiness. Having marriages that last is a pretty low bar of "success." What we want is not simply that marriages that endure, but marriages
that thrive.
I have come to believe that good marriages are rare, because they're hard to sustain. But they are worth the effort! Believing these three myths get in the way:
Myth 1 -- That a good marriage shouldn't require a lot of maintenance
Maintenance has gotten a bad rap. We don't think that good relationships should need maintenance. If somebody is difficult to get along with, we call them "high maintenance." In marriage, many people assume that if they marry the right person, then the relationship should stay strong and healthy without a lot of maintenance. They assume that as time goes by, a good relationship will just stay strong.
It doesn't work that way. GK Chesterton once said that "the fundamental flaw of conservatism is believing that if you leave a white picket fence alone, it will stay white."
It's the belief that if don't do anything to "mess with," tune up, or re-invigorate something, that it will continue on as is. It won't. If you want your white fence to stay white over time, you'll have to clean it periodically, and re-paint it every few years.
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3. We Aren't Good at Dealing with Suffering Like the Pandemic
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It was ... okay. BUT -- and the reason I'm mentioning it here -- is that Wolpe makes an observation about our society that I think is right on. He points out that, while no society is particularly "good" at dealing with suffering and challenging circumstances, our society is especially bad at it.
Wolpe identifies the "spiritual malaise" of our society as the culprit ... but then he goes on to make a subtle, but interesting point: that the "tools" we are using as a society are contributing to the problem, rather than helping. Here's what he says:
"I think that the spiritual malaise of the society, the sense of the meaningless at the core, is partly a result of the fact that our tools, which make us so much more efficient, also serve to isolate us from one another. Then the pandemic came along and exacerbated that isolation, and people ask deep questions about what is this about and what is this for and how can life just change on a dime and how am I supposed to live in the
absence of all the things that I used to take for granted and care about?
"In other words, we have been suddenly plunged into an existential crisis, and we’re not a society in general that turns to deep questions of life meaning. We are a society more of doing things and achieving things and less reflective. And this has forced us back to be reflective, and I think that’s an uncomfortable position for a lot of people."
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"A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”
- Ruth Graham
5. How to Share ... and Sign Up for This Newsletter
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Please feel free to send this newsletter along to someone who might like it. Obviously you can just forward this email ... you can also send someone a link to the newsletter archive:
Or ... here's a link to a quick sign-up form:
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I write and speak at events as director of Renew Resources. I also am leader and teacher at Bethel Church in Princeton, MN. If you're ever in the area, come join us on a Sunday morning! Places to find my writing:
The Recovery Journey
Check out my 90 Day program for starting (or renewing) your recovery from sexual addiction / compulsion called "The Recovery Journey". There's also a special program for the partners of addicts. Also check out my other Audio Product:
Read my latest book:
"Leaving Your Mark Without Losing Your
Mind"
This book focuses on the innate need we all have to make a difference with our lives ... and what gets in the way. Building a life of meaning and purpose is essential for our happiness, but many people get sidelined because of stress, overwhelm, and discouragement. This book will help you find strategies to overcome those challenges (and others).
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