Give yourself fully to the work of your life. Do what needs to be done. But … resist becoming attached to a certain outcome. If the work leads to a positive result -- at least one you can see -- so be it. But even if the "positive outcome" is not clear, that's okay too. It just might take more time. Or you may have to change your approach. Or it just may be that what you wanted to happen isn't going to happen. You can live with that. The world is not going to end.
Don't let your sense of well-being or self-worth be wrapped up in achieving a certain result. Just do the work. Be committed to it. But leave the results to God.
This phrase was the mantra of two business coaches of mine, Lisa Sasevitch and Lisa Cherney. I love it! It summarizes the mindset of people who are successful in what they do, but don't stress, get discouraged, or burn out. Be committed, but not attached.
This was the mindset of the Chinese philosopher Lao Tsu. In the Tao de Jing, he warned of the dangers of getting too attached to possessions, to peoples' esteem, and to achievements. When we do that, we get anxious, we try too hard, and we are often disappointed. Not only that, often when we try too hard, we mess things up.
Fill your bowl to the brim and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner.
Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity.
- Lao Tsu
Lao Tsu is not encouraging us to be lazy. Note that in the last line, he does say, "Do your work." But then, when it is done, step back. Let go.
It's worth repeating: "Do your work, then step back." Can we do this?
An important Thought Experiment
Let's do a thought experiment. Think back on your life for a moment. Who are some people who have been a great influence on you? Besides your parents and school-teachers -- who are given this specific role -- I'm sure there are some people who've come into your life, and through their words and example have pushed you to a new direction, or been a significant encouragement to you on your journey. Can you identify a person or two? Maybe a handful of people come to mind.
Ask yourself this: do these people KNOW the extent to which their lives and words have helped you? Did you, or someone else, tell them how much they meant to you, or how much they helped you?
I'm guessing that for many of these people, the answer would be "no." If the people who touched our lives were to find out how much they really influenced us, I believe most of them would be surprised.
Of course this is not always the case. Sometimes we're able to thank people. Sometimes circumstances allow for us to give them this encouragement and affirmation. But usually it doesn't work that way. Very often, we don't even realize how much a person has helped or influenced us until later on.
I remember a conversation I had as a college student with a spiritual leader who'd grown up in the same community I'd grown up in. We probably talked for 45 minutes, certainly no more than an hour. He was on vacation at the time, and when we finished talking, he went back to be with his family. I doubt he even remembers the conversation we had. But for me, it was profoundly helpful, and was significant in shaping the trajectory of my life.
When I speak in front of groups and ask audiences this question, I hear story after story like this. Stories of people who come into our lives, often for a short time, and later we look back and realize how helpful they were. Maybe it was their example, or something they said. But they have no idea how much impact they had!
I suppose there are two takeaways from this: first, you might be thinking of a person or two, and wondering about sending them a note or an email, to let them know about this, and thank them. That would be great.
But there's another important takeaway here -- and it may well be the most important message of the year for you: Your life matters, and you have the capacity to help and influence people in ways that you will never know! You can be that person who changes things for other people. Your life can be one that touches other people, and you can be of great help and service to them … and you will probably never find out.
Keep this in mind in 2021: you never know the shape and power of the influence you have on other people. You might do things that, to your view, from your limited perspective, don't seem to make much of a difference. You might be discouraged or stressed out, because things aren't going the way you hoped. But you've planted a seed.
You've touched someone in a certain way, and they will go on to touch others … and the impact will not just grow, but multiply.
The life I touch for good or ill
will touch another life,
and in turn another,
until who knows where the trembling stops
or in what far place
my touch will be felt.
- Frederick Buechner
So let go. Don't stress out about what you see happening -- or not happening -- around you. Be committed, but not attached. God is at work and your life is making an impact in more ways than you know.
